did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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