I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
