Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
