my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
