I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
