My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
