I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
