His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
