Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
