4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
