He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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