he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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