Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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