kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
