i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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