Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
