You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
