Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
