if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
