my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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