I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
