Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
