So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
