she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
