Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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