I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
