The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
