He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
