PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
