just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize