Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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