you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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