listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So squirting runs in the family.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize