Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
