You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...