i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
