my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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