I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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