I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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