i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
