shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
