just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Another day, another engagement, another cat
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize