I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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