Sry I called you an 8
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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