I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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