My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
