Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
