I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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