You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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