Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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