the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
