I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
