i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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