I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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