Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
