i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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