I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
