why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
