I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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