you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
