i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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