the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
