my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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