I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
