You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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