He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
