i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
