Capitaan dildo arrescate!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
