im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
