theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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