What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
