I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
