Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
