I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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