Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So many bounce houses so little time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
