It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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