"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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