I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dignity is for republicans.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
